Letter to Charlotte - Rhesus incompatibity - Our joy turning to heartache

Before you were even conceived Mummy loved you. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I knew you would be a girl. Daddy and I decided you would be called Charlotte very early on and we were so excited. You are our world. From the moment you were born, I was filled with love for you.

When Daddy and Nanna left us to go home. I would just lie and stare at you. I adjusted my bed so it was in line with your cot so I could see you. I couldn't believe how perfect you were.

That night a doctor came and told me there was an issue with your blood and they had to take another sample to check it. At the time, I didn't understand what this meant but the next day I soon did.

You were very jaundice due to a problem with your blood. Blood of mine had mixed with yours when you was inside me which meant my blood was trying to protect me from you, thinking you were an illness of somekind. This wasn't very good for your little body and the hospital had to do something to make you better. They put you under a little light which meant Mummy and Daddy could only hold you when you were being fed. This killed Mummy as it was so hard for me not to hold you. 

 You wore an eye patch to protect your eyes from the light which you hated and it made you cry. You craved contact from Mummy or Daddy. Daddy would hold your hand which helped to sooth you. Problem was you wouldn't let go and Daddy would have to sit there for a long time, he never used to mind though, as it was as much for him, as it was for you.

 Your jaundice made you very tired, which meant that you wouldn't wake to feed. Mummy would have to wake you and even then you were to tired to suck. This wasnt good as food was the only thing which could make you better. Mummy used to get so upset as she didnt know what to do to make you eat. She would change your nappy, wash your face, poke you, blow on you, anything which might help you wake up. Problem was you liked your face being washed and it sent you to sleep and everything else you would just sleep through. Luckily Nanna was on hand to help and brought you a little cup, which meant Mummy could pour milk into it for you to feed from. This saved you but it was hard work as after a little amount of milk you were full so Mummy would have to force you to eat more. We both hated this and Mummy used to cry. It also made mummy sad that she couldn't always feed you with your milk as with you not feeding there wasn't enough so mummy would have to give you formula.

Although I would make the most of having you out your crib and hold you for as long as I possibly could. 

I wanted to hold you and never let go. 

 I think you felt the same because you would cry when I put you back and then Mummy would cry. Mummy had to set a strict schedule feeding you every 3 hours and giving you at least 60mls for milk. It used to scare me because you would sometimes be sick because your little tummy couldn't take any more.

Finally the hard work paid off and your levels came down which meant you could come off the light. This meant that Mummy was able to dress you again and finally have her cuddle.

 That night we Face-Timed Daddy so he could see. This made him very happy and we both cried with joy. 

Daddy couldn't wait to hold you the next day and get his cuddle too.

After a few more days in hospital they said that you could come home. Mummy was so happy she could hardly believe it and couldn't stop crying. 

We had pictures taken as Mummy never wanted to forget this day and we bundled you up in your car seat to take you home.

You settled in quickly and it was like you knew it was where you should be.

The next day we got some very sad news that you needed to go back to hospital because your levels were high again and you needed to go back under the light. When we arrived mummy got very sad because your cord fell off marking a time that mummy felt had been taken away from her. A week of your life had passed and we didn't get the opportunity to enjoy you. This time we had to go to the children's ward and they placed you in an incubator to keep you warm. You had something called a biliblanket which was underneath you and an overhead light.

This made mummy very sad because she couldn't dress you in your pretty things and could only hold you to feed, which again you struggled to do being so sleepy. 

After two more days, on mummy's birthday at 8pm, to be exact, the doctors said you could come home again. Mummy was so frightened that they would change their mind or you would have to come back but thankfully you only came back for more blood tests. These tests continued until you were 5 months old, as you became very anaemic causing you to be very sleepy again. The doctors were worried you would need a blood transfusion but thankfully with mummy's hard work of continuing to try and feed you herself and give you your medicines, you didn't need it. The Doctors are so shocked and our little miracle beat all the odds. We are so proud of you and everything you have come through. You were meant to be sent to us. As mummy tells you she wished upon a star and twinkle twinkle here you are. My perfect little star and mummy's dreams rolled into one. 

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